Why 3D in Cinema Falls Flat

I currently work with 3D technology within my job and have done so for nearly a decade now. Up until just a couple of years ago we extensively utilised the very same technology which is currently used in cinemas. A technology used to create a 3D effect which is becoming so widespread now. Within my working environment it was used for aerial photograph to great affect. Cinema is obviously a different kettle of fish and now having watched several different 3D films I am coming to the sad conclusion that it simply does not work well enough to be justified. Here are my thoughts on why 3D falls flat:

Light Levels
While wearing the glasses to create the 3D effect the lenses have to be polarised and thus dark. This means that they have a darkening effect on what you see. This for some cinema this is not a major issue and is not a particular issue while watching bright animated films such as Avatar. However while watching live action this can make the viewing experience too dark. Especially when watching a film which is ‘dark’ and uses low light levels anyway. This became very apparent to me when watching the last instalment of Harry Potter. The darkly lit scenes made darker by the glasses had me straining to make out any nuance or detail apart from the characters face. This distracted from the experience and made me conscious of the glasses.

Motion Blur
When there’s very fast movement on screen. Again especially in live action, I find that the edges of moving objects blur and detail is lost. The final battle scenes of the Harry Potter saga were mostly lost on me as the frantic battle meant that characters and scenery became a bit of a frantic mush in the background. The two images (one going to each eye) seemed to be causing a visible blur when moving quickly.

Usage
Films seem to use 3D in gimmicky ways such as monsters jumping out at you. Or they go to the other end of the scale such as TT:3D Closer to the Edge which seems to make no real effort to utilise 3D and so it adds very little. Harry Potter for example nearly completely relied on using 3D solely to create depth and only for a couple of moments did it use the 3D to “push out” of the screen. There needs to be a happy medium between 3D effects for depth and those for “pushing out” into the audience. The best use of this has to be Avatar and still at this point seems to have been the best at utilising the technology.

Glasses
I myself am fortunate enough not to have to wear glasses, however for obvious reasons many people do. Thus for them to see in 3D requires the wearing of two pairs of glasses. This is a cumbersome and awkward experience. May I dare suggest that the film companies produce cheap clip on lenses for these people. Even if they’re a little more expensive than the 70p ones sold to us could they not be bought and reused? Or produce better quality ones. I, like many people I’m sure would be willing to pay more for a pair of 3D glasses if they’re of moderate quality and build.

Ability to See
This is the great secret of 3D in the cinema. What they don’t tell you is that a significant proportion of people are unable to see correctly in 3D. Estimate that approximately 20% of the population can only see a little or none of the 3D effect. What they also don’t inform you is that depending where you sit relative to the screen greatly affects the effectiveness of the 3D. Sitting square on to the screen in the centre of the cinema, not up too close creates a much better experience then sitting at the back or sides. Out of a cinema of 100 people I would estimate only around 65 would be able to get the full benefit of 3D.

In Conclusion
Perhaps these issues with 3D I have stem from my eyesight and ability to see in 3D. Maybe my eyes (and brain) aren’t as good as they need to be. However I would question this having spent several years working with the very same technology and never having any issue. I just don’t think the 3D technology used is fit for live action films or is used well. It only seems to work with bright animated films and even then if the film relies upon it, then it can’t be a good film.
So I suppose I’ll just have to choose which films I go to see in 3D carefully with the aim of only investing the effort to see a 3D film when it genuinely adds something to the film. In my experience - this is a rare occurrence.

Open Letter To Southampton

I was recently listening to the classic Beastie Boys song "Open Letter to NYC". I was jokingly changing the lyrics to it, while singing along in the shower. When I thought what would it be like if I actually sat down and rewrote the lyrics? Well what follows is what I came up with. I hope you like it and find it ammusing. For those of you who don't know the song perhaps you'd want to play it and read the lyrics along with it. If there is anyone out there who thinks they could sing the lyrics over the Beastie Boys original contact me - I think it would be quite funny.

Anyway here's the original:


Here are my new lyrics:

Bitterne, Woolston, Shirley and Totton
From Itchen Bridge to the top of Southampton
Polish, Middle-Eastern and Asian
Black, White, So’ton you make it happen

New builds, water fountains, trees, skyscrapers
Students, office workers and insurance traders
We drive through town in our cars
Diversity unified, whoever you are
We're doing fine working from five till nine
On Blue Line we're doin' swell
On the number Ten bus we fight and fuss
'Cause we're thorough in the suburbs and that's a must
I remember when the ABC ran Disney flicks
Running home from school eating dolly mix
At lunch I'd go to Greggs down on East Street
And hit the Marlands Mall for the trainers on my feet
Dear So’ton I hope you're doing well
I know a lot's happend and you've been through hell
So, we give thanks for providing a home
Through your gates at the docks they pass in droves

Bitterne, Woolston, Shirley and Totton
From Itchen Bridge to the top of Southampton
Polish, Middle-Eastern and Asian
Black, White, So’ton you make it happen

The park, The Uni
Hippies on the common with the LSD
Get my DVD's from HMV
You know I'm reppin' Southampton the best I can
Stopped off at Rhino’s, got thrown out
Sneakin' in at 4:00 am after going out
You didn't rob me in the park at the festival
But everybody got burnt when the sun came out
From Ocean Village on out to Northam Bridge
From Portswood right down to Redbridge
From Thornhill to the Basset Side
From S.O nineteen to S.O fourteen
Dear So’ton this is a love letter
To you and how you brought us together
We can't say enough about all you do
'Cause in the city were ourselves and electric too

Bitterne, Woolston, Shirley and Totton
From Itchen Bridge to the top of Southampton
Polish, Middle-Eastern and Asian
Black, White, So’ton you make it happen

Shout out to Shirley where my mum hails from
Right next to Coxford across from the Warren
To the Ashby Youth Club where my mum and dad met
Before they moved across to the Bitterne side
I see you're still strong after all that's gone on
Life long we dedicate this song
Just a little something to show some respect
To the city that blends and mends and tests
From Saxons time we're still livin'
And lovin' life we've been given
Ain't nothing gonna take that away from us
We’re lookin' pretty and gritty 'cause in the city we trust
Dear So’ton I know a lot has changed
The Dell is down but you're still in the game
Home to many rejecting no one
Accepting peoples of all places, wherever they're from

Bitterne, Woolston, Shirley and Totton
From Itchen Bridge to the top of Southampton
Polish, Middle-Eastern and Asian
Black, White, So’ton you make it happen

Bitterne, Woolston, Shirley and Totton
From Itchen Bridge to the top of Southampton
Polish, Middle-Eastern and Asian
Black, White, So’ton you make it happen

Great South Run, in aid of the Stroke Association

I've decided to run the Great South Run in aid of the Stroke Association. Those of you who know how much I detest physical exercise will appreciate what a huge undertaking this is for me. However once challenged to do something and for such a good cause, which is close to my heart, I couldn't say no. You can goto: http://www.justgiving.com/StuartGray1981 to find out about it and donate or read on...

The Stroke Association is the only national UK charity solely concerned with combating stroke in people of all ages. It funds research into prevention, treatment and better methods of rehabilitation, and helps stroke patients and their families directly through its Rehabilitation and Support Services.

The Great South run is on the 24th of October in Portsmouth. I've been training now for over a month and I hope to run the 10 miles in around 2hrs. Not the fastest time in the world but respectable for a complete novice.

So please dig deep and donate whatever you can, as every contribution is gratefully received.


Thanks, Stuart.



About JustGiving.com:
Donating through JustGiving is simple, fast and totally secure. Your details are safe with JustGiving – they’ll never sell them on or send unwanted emails. Once you donate, they’ll send your money directly to the Stroke Association and make sure Gift Aid is reclaimed on every eligible donation by a UK taxpayer. So it’s the most efficient way to donate - I raise more, whilst saving time and cutting costs for the charity.

Why I... Intensely Dislike The Pope

I’m seriously considering going to the protest the Pope demonstration (http://www.protest-the-pope.org.uk/) in London on Saturday the 18^th of September. This is because of several key points I will outlay underneath. I do however before that want to make clear that I think the Pope should be free to visit the UK with his own views and opinions, hold private functions and the Catholic Church fund the visit themselves. However I do not think he should be given the status of a head of state visit. This in turn means that the Government, i.e. tax payers have to pay for the visit. The cost of this will run to approximately 7 million pounds. Also the Catholic church is selling tickets for major Pope events, this money will go to the Catholic church. So in other words we’re paying for a gig that the Pope then keeps the proceeds of.

Apart from this swindle by the Catholic Church I also oppose the Pope because of his organisation repeatedly not agreeing to sign or support many treaties supporting human rights. The Catholic Church has gone so far as to form its own treaties (“concordats”) with other states which have a negative effect for the people in those states.

The Catholic Church has also failed to address the many cases of child abuse within its organisation. Leaked letters would suggest that the Pope himself would rather see the Church not deal with these issues and cover them up for fear of being negative for the Catholic Church. Basically he’s covered for paedophiles.

The Pope and the Catholic Church oppose equal rights for lesbians, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Causing people of this demographic to be discriminated against on many levels.

The Pope and Catholic Church deny abortion to even the most vulnerable women. Such as rape cases or for women with health implications, where the woman faces almost certain death during birth.

In many countries including poor third world countries, most notably Africa, the Pope and Catholic Church oppose the distribution of condoms and so increasing large families in poor countries and the spread of Aids. Causing suffering and death on massive scales as people die from Aids and starvation.

Within secular societies the Catholic Church and Pope are promoting segregated education. This creates education which is two tiered and promoting bible led teachings such as creationism over science.

These simple but devastating reasons are why I cannot support the Pope or Catholic Church or accept what they are doing. I hope the above clearly explains why I oppose the Pope and Catholic Church in their views and the way in which they are visiting. If the Pope wishes to visit his followers then I do not oppose this. I do oppose the way in which he’s doing it and the way in which a person in such a powerful position discriminates and enforces such antiquated rules within his followers, which cause suffering and death.

Big Society

Remember the hoo-haa about 'care in the community' way back when the Tories introduced it? Now we just take it for granted, even though it's so wrong. A society which doesn't care for it's vulnerable & needy is sick itself.

Now 'Big society' is the new project. Brought to you by the man who said "hug a hoody". It'll make government smaller & instead of empowering people will make them fend for themselves. When I have a serious issue I like being able to get help.

I feel sick every time I think of the prospect of 5yrs of this ConDem mess & the mess it will cause. Labour were badly flawed but nothing compared to this Government. Next time choose the lesser of two evils. I'd love to say choose the third option but after they've sold out completly and jumped into bed with the Tories. I don't think I can ever trust them again.

Voting Southampton Test

With just a few days to go until the general election it’s really grabbed me. In a manner in which I haven’t felt since 1997 when I couldn’t even vote. At creeping up on 30yrs old, having a civil servants job, a home owner and soon to be married. This election comes at a key point in my life and is more important to me than at any other time before.

I’m in the Southampton test area and have since 1997 enjoyed a Labour seat. While not perfect, Alan Whitehead, the Labour MP has done an adequate job. Since the leaders debates however I have been swung towards the Liberal Democrats and would love to vote for them and Nick Clegg. But and here's the but. Unfortunately my local Liberal Democrat running (Dave Callaghan) seems distinctly lacking in substance. For this reason I have chosen to remain a Labour vote as I fear it will be a close run thing between Alan Whitehead and the Tory candidate, Jeremy Moulton who is an idiot. I wish I could come up with a better way of describing him but I can’t.

If the Torys get in then my job is likely to be risked, schools will have less development. "Big society" is some pie in the sky rubbish and will result in a poorer society as a whole. As for sorting out the financial situation firstly remember who this is... The Torys will never be hard on the financial sector and sort them out when it is the financial sector who ultimately funds them. Also remember the '80s? They F**ked us. So running the risk of a Tory is beyond scary. Remember "hug a hoody"?

Having said that if there was a decent Liberal Democrat running locally I would be voting for him/her and it breaks my heart that there isn't.

Now these are my predictions after much reading and analysis and I pray I am correct.

Tory 35%
Labour 28%
Liberal Democrats 28%
Other 9%

That will result in a hung parliament with a seat count roughly as follows:

Tory 280
Labour 260
Liberal Democrats 80
Other 30

Now my real hope is that the Liberal Democrats will form a coalition with the Labour Party. This will create a government with a Labour back bone with the Liberal Democrats effectively keeping Labour ‘honest’ and more of a progressive government with common sense and grounding. If anything helping to re-invigorate the Labour party for the next election in 2015.

For further reading and quite simply brilliantly putting the problem I have and share regarding where to place my vote read this quite brilliant blog post by Stephen Fry: http://www.stephenfry.com/2010/05/04/how-i-will-vote/

Whichever way you vote, vote. Because people have fought and died to give us democracy. Also to quote an old favourite teacher of mine "Not to vote is a slap in the face to all those past and present denied the right to do so."

#F1 Twitter with @F1tweeter

Those of you who know me will know that I used to run the website www.formula1-blog.com but I didn’t really have the time or resources to make the website ‘worthwhile’. Lots of other similar websites were far superior and to be honest I should of done more market research.

However I loved doing the Twitter side of the website and that wasn't very time consuming… So Ive decided to launch muyself again into the F1 Twitter world… Not surprisingly my Twitter name is F1tweeter. I tweet the latest BBC F1 News, which in my opinion is the best coverage. Along with the BBC iPlayer coverage. As well as the Official driver and team quotes along with press conferences from formula1.com. I also tweet my own thoughts, humour and jokes on the BBC F1 coverage and F1 news in general.

So please follow and Twitter back. It’s a great fun and the more the merrier!

Follow me on twitter here.

2010 Formula 1 Season Preview

With the Formula 1 season starting in little over a weeks time in Bahrain on the 14th of March (qualifying is on the 13th) all eyes have been on the final testing sessions and the times.

In reality it is near on impossible to choose between the teams this year. It is very hard to judge who is quick and who is not as this year teams are not allowed to fuel during a race so they have been running all different types of fuel loads at different times. With up to four seconds between a team running full tanks or empty you can only judge from race simulations. However these are not that accurate as different drivers and teams are trying out different compounds of tyres.

Having said all that, the general consensus is that the Ferrari is the quickest closely followed by the Mercedes and right behind the leading two are McLaren and Red Bull on an equal footing. It would appear that all the top teams have developed over the testing whereas Ferrari have not so much and have been fine tuning their car. This is to be expected as they started building it last summer.

My predictions for the season are an Alonso Vs Schumacher battle with Alonso coming out on top at the end due to better results at the beginning at the season. Look to a 2006 championship situation. There should be no end of good scraps with the other top teams but I don’t think they will be consistently challenging. Also with Mclaren and Red Bull essentially having joint number one status’s they will be taking points off each other when they are competitive. Much as Red Bull did last year.

The mid field are closely matched but Williams and BMW Sauber should be the best of the rest. Renault seem to be simply seeing out various contracts this year before leaving. Robert Kubica has landed a duff seat and the talented Pole will have to try hard to impress.

The new teams of Lotus, HRT and Virgin have been shamefully off the pace and could prove to be little more than moving road blocks. I would suspect that qualifying rules will be introduced such as the 107% rule F1 used to have.

Noticeably in the drivers line up Schumacher returns with his old team from before F1, Mercedes. This seems to suit Schumacher down to the ground and creates some sort of symmetry to his career. He seems fit and more motivated and focused than ever. Working with Ross Brawn he will no doubt be quick from the get go.

There is also the interesting pairing of Jenson Button with Lewis Hamilton at McLaren. This will prove fascinating to watch, I predict that Jenson Button will cause an upset. For how long however waits to be seen, it won’t be long before Lewis Hamilton pulls rank with Ron Dennis and or adapts to the rule changes. As Jenson’s ability to be smooth on long runs will pay dividends as Hamilton is notoriously hard on tyres. Not an issue he’s had to deal with much before.



Another note worthy mention is the Nephew of Ayrton Senna, Bruno Senna who is making his F1 debut with HRT. I think this could go either way, he will fall into obscurity as a third rate pay driver. Or he will be like his uncle and come alive in F1 and be a forced to reckoned with. I hope it’s the later as I would love to see him emulate his uncle – on and off the track. We need more emotion and personalities in this sport. The return of Schumacher will only be for a couple of seasons and with Kimi Raikkonen’s leaving we’ve lost one of the few characters we had.

As a final aside regarding drivers Kamui Kobayashi must get a mention. The full tilt Japanese driver ruffled a few feathers in his first two F1 races at the end of last season and proved he may be someone to watch. It will be interesting to see if he can follow up on his enthusiastic and charismatic drives. Japan is in desperate need of an interest in F1. If he shines this year at BMW Sauber then look out for him to get a reasonable drive for 2011.

The season’s entry list for 2010 looks like this:

Vodafone McLaren Mercedes
1 Jenson Button (GB)
2 Lewis Hamilton (GB)

Mercedes GP Petronas F1 Team
3 Michael Schumacher (D)
4 Nico Rosberg (D)

Red Bull Racing
5 Sebastian Vettel (D)
6 Mark Webber (AUS)

Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro
7 Felipe Massa (BR)
8 Fernando Alonso (E)

AT&T Williams
9 Rubens Barrichello (BR)
10 Nico Hulkenberg (D)

Renault F1 Team
11 Robert Kubica (PL)
12 Vitaly Petrov (RUS)

Force India F1 Team
14 Adrian Sutil (D)
15 Vitantonio Liuzzi (I)

Scuderia Toro Rosso
16 Sebastien Buemi (CH)
17 Jaime Alguersuari (E)

Lotus Racing
18 Jarno Trulli (I)
19 Heikki Kovalainen (FIN)

HRT F1 Team
20 TBA
21 Bruno Senna (BR)

BMW Sauber F1 Team
22 Pedro de la Rosa (E)
23 Kamui Kobayashi (J)

Virgin Racing
24 Timo Glock (D)
25 Lucas di Grassi (BR)

The tracks for the season look like the usual suspects without the addition of several new middle eastern tracks for the first time in a couple of years. It appears that the development of new tracks seems to be easing down, this is no doubt due to the dip in the worlds economy. The only exception is the new South Korean Grand Prix. Several of the races have had their start times altered to enable European friendly start times. Hopefully this will not be such an issue as at the Malaysian Grand Prix last year.

Bahrain Grand Prix
Sakhir, 12-14 March, 2010
Friday 12 Mar: Practice 1 0700-0830; Practice 2 1100-1230
Sat 13 Mar: Practice 3 0800-0900; Qualifying 1100
Sun 14 Mar: Race 1200

Australian Grand Prix
Albert Park, Melbourne, 26-28 March 2010
Fri 26 Mar: Practice 1 0130-0300; Practice 2 0530-0700
Sat 27 Mar: Practice 3 0300-0400; Qualifying 0600
Sun 28 Mar: Race 0800

Malaysian Grand Prix
Sepang, 2-4 April 2010
Fri 2 Apr: Practice 1 0300-0430; Practice 2 0700-0830
Sat 3 Apr: Practice 3 0700-0800; Qualifying 0900
Sun 4 Apr: Race 0900

Chinese Grand Prix
Shanghai, 16-18 April 2010
Fri 16 Apr: Practice 1 0300-0430; Practice 2 0700-0830
Sat 17 Apr: Practice 3 0400-0500; Qualifying 0700
Sun 18 Apr: Race 0800

Spanish Grand Prix
Circuit de Catalunya, 7-9 May 2010
Fri 7 May: Practice 1 0900-1030; Practice 2 1300-1430
Sat 8 May: Practice 3 1000-1100; Qualifying 1300
Sun 9 May: Race 1300

Monaco Grand Prix
Monte Carlo, 14-16 May 2010
Thu 13 May: Practice 1 0900-1030; Practice 2 1300-1430
Sat 15 May: Practice 3 1000-1100; Qualifying 1300
Sun 16 May: Race 1300

Turkish Grand Prix
Istanbul Park, 28-30 May 2010
Fri 28 May: Practice 1 0800-0930; Practice 2 1200-1330
Sat 29 May: Practice 3 0900-1000; Qualifying 1200
Sun 30 May: Race 1300

Canadian Grand Prix
Circuit Gilles Villeneuve, Montreal, 11-13 June 2010
Fri 11 Jun: Practice 1 1500-1630; Practice 2 1900-2030
Sat 12 Jun: Practice 3 1300-1400; Qualifying 1800
Sun 13 Jun: Race 1700

European Grand Prix
Valencia, 25-27 June, 2010
Fri 25 Jun: Practice 1 0900-1030; Practice 2 1300-1430
Sat 26 Jun: Practice 3 1000-1100; Qualifying 1300
Sun 27 Jun: Race 1300

British Grand Prix
Silverstone, 9-11 July, 2010
Fri 9 Jul: Practice 1 1000-1130; Practice 2 1400-1530
Sat 10 Jul: Practice 3 1100-1200; Qualifying 1400
Sun 11 Jul: Race 1300

German Grand Prix
Hockenheim, 23-25 July 2010
Fri 23 Jul: Practice 1 0900-1030; Practice 2 1300-1430
Sat 24 Jul: Practice 3 1000-1100; Qualifying 1300
Sun 25 Jul: Race 1300

Hungarian Grand Prix
Hungaroring, 30 July - 1 August 2010
Fri 30 Jul: Practice 1 0900-1030; Practice 2 1300-1430
Sat 31 Jul: Practice 3 1000-1100; Qualifying 1300
Sun 1 Aug: Race 1300

Belgian Grand Prix
Spa-Francorchamps, 27-29 August 2010
Fri 27 Aug: Practice 1 0900-1030; Practice 2 1300-1430
Sat 28 Aug: Practice 3 1000-1100; Qualifying 1300
Sun 29 Aug: Race 1300

Italian Grand Prix
Monza, 10-12 September 2010
Fri 10 Sep: Practice 1 0900-1030; Practice 2 1300-1430
Sat 11 Sep: Practice 3 1000-1100; Qualifying 1300
Sun 12 Sep: Race 1300

Singapore Grand Prix
Singapore, 24-26 September 2010
Fri 24 Sep: Practice 1 1100-1230; Practice 2 1430-1600
Sat 25 Sep: Practice 3 1200-1300; Qualifying 1500
Sun 26 Sep: Race 1300

Japanese Grand Prix
Suzuka, 8-10 October 2010
Fri 8 Oct: Practice 1 0200-0330; Practice 2 0600-0730
Sat 9 Oct: Practice 3 0300-0400; Qualifying 0600
Sun 10 Oct: Race 0700

South Korean Grand Prix
Yeongam, 22-24 October 2010
Fri 22 Oct: Practice 1 0300-0430; Practice 2 0700-0830
Sat 23 Oct: Practice 3 0400-0500; Qualifying 0700
Sun 24 Oct: Race 0700

Brazilian Grand Prix
Interlagos, Sao Paulo, 5-7 November 2010
Fri 5 Nov: Practice 1 1200-1330; Practice 2 1600-1730
Sat 6 Nov: Practice 3 1300-1400; Qualifying 1600
Sun 7 Nov: Race 1600

Abu Dhabi Grand Prix
Yas Marina, 12-14 November 2010
Fri 12 Nov: Practice 1 0900-1030; Practice 2 1300-1430
Sat 13 Nov: Practice 3 1000-1100; Qualifying 1300
Sun 14 Nov: Race 1300

As nearly F1 preview you will read “this looks to be the most exciting season ever”. But for once I actually agree with them. I can’t remember the last time there were four top teams with eight top drivers – 1986 perhaps? Each one of those eight drivers has a genuine chance at the championship. Needless to say I'm excited.

Darth Vader Visits Church

I recently stumbled across this and laughed heartily. Absolute respect to the guy who had the balls to do this. I think it just shows how stupid the pomp and circumstance is in many forms of religion.


You can watch it on youtube here.

Another classic moment along the same sort of lines is when the Coldstream Guards played the Star Wars Emperor's Theme for the state visit of the King of Saudi Arabia. You can watch that Pythonesque moment here.

Vegetative State Patients and Euthanasia

The article listed below by the BBC has to be one of the scariest articles I have read in a long time. Nothing scares me more than being trapped in my own mind in a vegetative state. It appears that this is the reality for more people than previously imagined.

What strikes fear into my heart more (if that is possible) is the current policy of not allowing Euthanasia. If I was scanned as is suggested in this article and found to still have a functioning brain but in a vegetative state then I would be kept alive. Surely this is the most horrific form imprisonment imaginable.

The BBC article states: “It does raise many ethical issues - for example - it is lawful to allow patients in a permanent vegetative state to die by withdrawing all treatment, but if a patient showed they could respond it would not be, even if they made it clear that was what they wanted.”

The last Taboo society really seems to have left is that of death. Shrouded in mystery and religion we still protect life to ludicrous extremes. The archaic laws which we have left are not adequate for today’s society. People are living longer now meaning they can have severe dementia, strokes etc which leave them in awful predicaments. The medical world endeavours to prolong these painful and pointless lives. Road accidents are far more common now and more people than ever are left incapacitated. Often the withdrawal of medication and food are the only way to allow people to die but in a completely undignified and painful drawn out manner. This needs to be changed, how, I am not entirely sure. But if a decision can be reached to withdraw medication and food to kill someone then surely a decision to administer a lethal dose to allow them to die peacefully can be reached.

As a motorcyclist the reality I may end up in some horrific situation is more likely than most. It’s a danger I offset against my enjoyment of motorcycling. My personal wish is that if I am in a permanent vegetative state or terminally ill and in pain and or distress with no hope of any quality of life then I want my life to end.

With my consent or pre written consent in a complete disregard to my human rights - this is not able to be my choice. It is also not allowed for my loved ones to decide I should die. If I'm not in a state to make a decision myself but was in anguish and pain I'd like to think they would be selfless enough to euthanise me. But law means I am not allowed to. The best they could hope for is to withdraw food and medication meaning I would die in a painful drawn out manner. Not knowing when exactly I would die and not necessarily be able to be with me when I die. Meaning I die starving, in pain, alone. Not a nice way to go... and that's my best option.

You can read the BBC article here. See what you think, it's not an easy subject to talk about and face up to but we need to debate this as a society and come to some logical decisions and reform laws regarding Euthanasia.

Nokia Communities

Nokia have released 'Communities' from their Ovi store. This is a little application to allow you to use Twitter and Facebook on your Nokia Mobile. The noticeable thing is that this is the first official Nokia release for Social Networking sites on their latest mobile phones.

There are plans for support of other online communities and I would imagine myspace and bebo will follow shortly. I downloaded through my mobile at the Ovi store and got it running easily on my Nokia Xpress 5800.

Communities has been released as a beta and has all the hallmarks of one. There appears to be all the functionality you would expect however a lot of the buttons are 'dummies' simply creating a pop up window saying "coming soon". Thus making it a very simple version. Also you are unable to specify how you connect to the Internet so beware of racking up a bill when all you think you're doing is accessing your wifi.

The only other drawback is that it runs a little slow on start up but this is marginal compared to other software on my phone and unfortunately to be expected.

On the plus side this software looks great. It's well designed and has a simplistic yet pretty interface more akin with apple. This appears to finally bring Nokia into a serious fight with similar iphone apps. Providing that they develop it well and deliver on what appears to be a promising little piece of software.

You can go to the Ovi store now and get it for free and try it for yourself. I myself am not going to switch over to Communities yet but will no doubt in a few months time when it is fully functional.

In the meantime the iphone is still the best mobile for social networking but at it's steep price tag puts a lot of people off. So now expect more people to get won over by the cheap Nokia alternatives.

Release The Devils

For those of you who don't know 'The Devils' is a Horror film directed by Ken Russell starring Oliver Reed and Vanessa Redgrave. The film is based on a book by Aldous Huxley titled 'The Devils of Loudon' and the 1960s play 'The Devils' (also based on the book). The film's plot revolves around the story of a 17th century priest, Urbain Grandier, who is ultimately executed for witchcraft.

Unfortunately this timeless classic is only available in a cut down version, with several scenes cut out by British and American censors. The original version is approximately 4 and a half minutes longer than the VHS and USA release which is also the version which is shown on television.

Dr Mark Kermode has done a documentary entitled 'Hell on Earth' which is excellent and covers the whole sordid history of the film in detail. It is well worth a viewing if you get the chance. It would now seem that Warner Brothers have the restored, complete directors cut available to release but are choosing not to. Perhaps they fear another backlash against it as before with its original release.

You can get black market DVD releases which appear to be badly cropped upscale VHS resolution copies with one extra scene in them, which is taken from the 'Hell on Earth' documentary. This classic film remains unreleased properly on DVD and has essentially been withdrawn in much the same manner as 'A Clockwork Orange' ended up being before finally being released after Stanley Kubrick's death. Let's hope that we don't have to see the demise of another legendary director before we can see this classic in it's full and proper form.

For further information visit the imdb.com entry or Wikipedia entry. There is also an excellent entry regarding 'The Devils' at the Black Hole blog.

I personally think we are in dire need of a campaign to get this wonderful classic released. Is anyone ready to lead this crusade?

Hamish and Andy Radio Show

People of Britain… BBC Radio 6 hosted a radio show for Australia day which was hosted (not surprisingly) by two radio DJs from Australia. These two chaps called Hamish & Andy are however the funniest thing on radio I've heard since Ricky Gervais on XFM all those years ago.

The show features interviews done by their friends which are amusing as the interviews are usually done by someone who has no idea and is with someone pretty famous. Recently they had a friend at the Cannes film festival to much hilarity. They also sometimes sing and do stupid but very funny songs. It also includes a segment once a week in which one of their best mates phones in with an invention. They then discuss it and people phone in with their support or disgust at such a stupid idea. It often seems to be the latter to much amusement. Hamish & Andy are also house mates and often tell tales of what’s gone on and other personal stories of trials and tribulations. This is all done with the public phoining in and the hillarity which ensues.

Originally they started out as friends doing sketches at comedy shows but got a chance on radio and have never really looked back. It may all sound like the sort of thing you’ve heard before but the obvious deep friendship and understanding the two have makes for hilarious listening and will remind you of you and your mates… Just much funnier.

Unfortunately their show is not broadcast in Britian, however they do have a regular podcast available for free. Which is their show with all the news, weather and sadly music edited out. You can grab this easily off of their website or via the iTunes store.

People Don’t ‘Get’ Twitter

In the past six months I have become more immersed in the online blogging / Twitter scene. Writing my own regular blog posts and using Twitter daily. However whenever I mention or speak of this people either say “yeah it’s great isn’t it” or they look at you as if you’re such a sad specimen of humanity. Unfortunately in my experience it seems that most people fall into the later category.

There is hope however: the Tory leader’s “Too many Tweets might make a Twat!” statement by David Cameron on radio was aimed at being a humorous dig. However it created quite a backlash from people who use Twitter. A larger minority than he would of imagined. The sweet irony of it was that he was talking about how easy on Twitter it is to make a throw away comment and get into a PR mess… This is exactly what he did! Below is the youtube clip showing ‘Diamond Dave’ and his pearls of wisdom.





Leading the crusade for blogging and Twitter as always is Stephen Fry who appears to be asked about Twitter by the media when anything comes up involving it. I’ve heard Stephen Fry state that people don’t get Twitter but he doesn’t care. But it is a shame as these people would benefit from using Twitter just as the general users of Twitter would. As part of what Twitter is about is everyone contributing.

The number of people who seem to be snobby and dismissive regarding Twitter is dwindling however. But there is definitely a prevailing feeling of it being the preserve of geeks. Quite the opposite is becoming true with a trend for people in the public eye to use Twitter to relay information to a large audience instantly.

Also the online campaign for Rage Against the Machine to be number one at Christmas was also given much momentum from Twitter - not just Facebook. I wrote an article about it all here for those interested.

What does seem to put people off Twitter is the lack of explanation as to how it works and the ideas behind it. It is not that intuitive and it took a little perseverance from myself before I ‘got it’. Perhaps Twitter should have a Google type introduction video when you sign up. As I think a lot of people hear about Twitter, go online use it once or twice and don’t really see what it can do. Or the point of it and thus never use it again. Also with Twitter it helps a lot if you have it available on your mobile phone. With internet access becoming cheaper and easier for people this is becoming less of a problem but needless to say one which exists.

Twitter also fails miserably to make people aware of any software you can use to utilise Twitter. If Twitter bought out their own TweetDeck type of application they would get more users. As it is people have to find out about 3rd party applications themselves or through friends - Twitter are missing a trick there.

Not all is lost - if you cast your mind back a few years Facebook was where Twitter is now in terms of popularity. Now it seems that everyone is on Facebook, young and old. So there is hope that Twitter will become an established medium for people to share information on etc. Also as Facebook becomes popular the youth will want to establish a new way of networking with their contemporaries without the elders being involved. So they may well start to switch to Twitter.

Twitter Weather Forecasts

With the weather having always been the great British discussion point. It comes as no surprise that the snow we have been inflicted with these last few days seems to be the only thing the media or any conscious human being can talk about in Britain.

After the news was splashed with a big red MET office warning I got an inch of snow at my home. Even with it being slap bang in the centre of that big red warning area. A bugger really I wasn’t able to wrangle a day off work. Needless to say as soon as there was a hint that this could occur I was scouting for the worst weather reports I could find in the hope that I would be snowed in.

After much trawling of weather reports and then subsequently their weather reports being completely inaccurate I can really only recommend one weather report and that was shockingly Twitter. How may you ask? Well it worked like this: after placing a search for the tag #uksnow I found people tweeting in from all around the UK along with their post code area and an out of 10 score.

With their tweet weather reports or more specifically their tweet snow reports. I was also able to create a simple rss feed through Twitter search for #uksnow followed by my area’s postcode. Thus enabling me to get up to the second reports for the snow fall in my area. While at work I was able to know exactly how the snow was going for my trip back home. Enabling me to cash in some flexi time and return before the heavy stuff came down.

It was so effective that even this website was set up showing all the tweets and the incoming snow.

This is a time delayed video available on youtube showing how it all played out.

You can’t get more accurate and up to date than real world updates from around the country. This is the beautiful part of Twitter that people don’t seem to get. I’m looking forward to it being utilised again in the future. I’m also anticipating the next thing I’ll discover Twitter can do.

Here is an rss feed for #uksnow on Twitter

Celebrity Big Brother's Stephen Baldwin

Evangelist Stephen Baldwin on celebrity Big Brother could not be more self righteous, patronising and bordering on being a religious bully. But then again that is now his career of choice. But who is he to place religious views and his way of life onto others in the Big Brother house? I cannot believe how relaxed, polite and patient the other housemates have been with him.

I have no qualms with Stephen Baldwin being religious, following his faith etc. What I think is inappropriate and bordering on bullying is the way in which he forces it onto others. Who is he to dictate they say grace? And more obviously he manipulates other housemates into thinking like him. The way in which he uses his position of elder and most famous in the house is sickening. Poor old (young) ‘Lady Sovereign’ doesn’t seem to know what to do and like most other housemates is just too polite to tell him to shut up. Her half smiling ‘rabbit in the headlights’ expression seems to demonstrate a complete lack of understanding as to what to do or say.

The way Baldwin speaks to and plays upon Alex’s insecurities is sickening. An ego desperately searching for an audience. However it was most amusing to see the washed up Stephen Baldwin telling Alex (a professional fighter) how to punch. All because Baldwin in some deli several years ago at 2:30am while out on a bender had described to him how to punch by Mike Tyson. To see this great moment go here for the episode... It happens about 11mins into it. I’m waiting for Alex to give Stephen Baldwin acting tips because he once spoke to Patrick Stewart at a Star Trek convention.

In any debate over religion Baldwin singles out people who will not resist his views and talks to them solely. He completely dismissed the polite mild mannered Jonas (AKA Bass Hunter) because he was making it obvious he was an intelligent, articulate and didn’t believe anything which was coming out of his mouth. Baldwin’s own inability to keep his views to himself unless in a relevant conversation or debate like everyone else seem impossible for him to do.

The British general public is not renowned for its religious convictions. Often people of strong religious views are just seen as idiots and it is quite possible that this is how Stephen Baldwin will be perceived. I would think it is pretty likely he will get evicted early on. Which I hope won’t happen as however much I detest him he is providing some good entertainment.

As of yet the only housemate with enough balls to say anything is Heidi Fleiss (ex Madame to Hollywood stars) who labelled him a ‘dork’. To be honest this is probably the best way to describe him. The amount of stupidy he exhibits is almost parallel to the amount of faith he has – you do the maths.

Where Are You From?

When entering America and filling in my little green Visa waiver form I filled in my country of origin as England. When I proceeded to go through the immigration process I was informed by a large immigration officer (who no doubt did a good side line in being a grizzly bear) that, that was wrong. That I actually come from the United Kingdom or UK as he abbreviated it. He said it with such officious tones and in such an "aren’t you stupid you don’t know your own country" manner that it enraged me. In a parallel universe residing in my mind my response involved me informing him England is a country and what the difference is to the United Kingdom. It was also interspersed with some expletives and ended with me slamming my fists on the desk and a personal reference to his mother, weight and where to place his green form for safe keeping.

In reality I smiled and said in a clear English accent “Oh how silly of me”. I put a line through England and wrote United Kingdom. Yeah and you come from Northern America and not the United States Of America… sorry USA.

This got me thinking how we define where we are from. As a resident of Southern England is it narrow minded to say I’m from England or am I from Britain, the United Kingdom or Europe? Am I from all these places? Also does a country define me in any real way? Or is it simply where I was born? If born in a British army barracks in another country, you are classified British. What however is your country if born in one country and live the rest of your life else where? Or perhaps you take on citizenship of another country. The waters get muddied too if you have parents of different nations and are born in a third country.

Maybe I shouldn’t have felt so enraged by that immigration officer. I think it was more his tone with me, than the question. Perhaps he'd just had an arguement with his wife in the morning. After all with world travel becoming the norm along with world communications the world is a small place. Perhaps where you are from is wherever you feel most comfortable saying you’re from. Maybe where we are born is now just an abstract concept to group people together. Nothing says welcome to America more than a serious looking immigration officer with a stamp and a gun.

Rage Against The X Factor

Unless you’ve been on the moon (or some other far away cliché) for the last couple of weeks… Or let’s face it you aren’t on twitter, facebook or watch X Factor (ie you're over 60) then you won’t be familiar with the Facebook Group asking people to buy Rage Against The Machine’s (RATM) band's 'Killing In The Name' and at ragefactor.co.uk where you can even download the song and propaganda to support it. Why do this may you ask? So as to be Christmas number 1 and not the Simon Cowell X Factor drivell which has been number 1 at Christmas for the last four years.

Let’s face it there's no better way to stick it to 'The Man' than by filling the coffers of a major label rock act who've sold over 20 million albums worldwide. While also simultaneously filling the coffers of Sony BMG. Although RATM have said they will donate their money to the charity shelter they will no doubt make a killing in subsequent years with it being played if it does indeed become a Christmas number 1.

Sony BMG have exclusive rights to Simon Cowell's artists so not surprisingly Simon Cowell in return chooses songs from Sony’s back catalogue for his performers to ‘sing’. The whole thing basically boils down to:

"I think the puppet on the right shares my music tastes." "I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking." "Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding up both puppets!" "Shut up! Here are some more adverts. Watch this and get fat and stupid.”

Is the X Factor single storming the charts for Christmas number one really so bad? We used to have such cheery songs before as ‘Mad Mad World’ a cover by Gary Jules. We also had the sheer madness of Mr Blobby. Which categorically proves that the general public are not only slightly deranged but have no musical taste whatsoever.



Or is it a bunch of angry teenagers wanting to rebel against the dominance of X Factor – which is what it appears to be on Twitter and Facebook. The lyrics of Rage Against The Machines ‘Killing In The Name’ go “F**k you I won’t do what you tell me”. Which has never rung truer when I was told on Twitter to go and buy copies. The angry belief that X Factor can’t be number one is almost fanatical in ways I think I’ve only experienced in Religious people. Which to be honest is a bit scary. Have you not got more going on in your lives? It is Christmas time after all.

Agreed there are no doubt people who have always hated X Factor (myself included) but that is more to do with the ritual humiliation and exploitation of people who are a few cards short of a full deck. In the opening shows it’s almost like watching the inmates of your local psychiatric ward being given a day pass and allowed to fulfil their fantasies of singing on TV.

If you want some genuine musical Christmas cheer then listen to David Bowie and Bing Crosby faff their way through ‘Little Drummer Boy’. Something which never ceases to make me cringe and smile every time I hear it on my Aunt’s old Christmas CD compilation “Now that’s what I call a Christmas ‘89” (or some other equally tired title).



So what’s the answer to all this? Well I suggest you write to ofcom regarding the treatment of people in X Factor and then have nothing to do with X Factor from now on. It’s only on because people watch it and buy the newspapers reporting on it etc… etc it continues. Finally go out and support bands you like by seeing them play and buy their music. Not buying something in some inane protest which is all effectively owned by the same people.

However by writing about this I have no doubt fuelled the fire and perpetuated all this rubbish. In an odd twist of fate I will be purchasing Rage Against the Machine’s single three times from Amazon. But for the simple reason I have a free £1 mp3 voucher and it is 29p. Purely to wipe that grin off Simon Cowell’s face it has to be worth it. Maybe that’s the point and no one is saying it? Maybe we should all buy RATM just to give Simon Cowell a miserable Christmas?

Get Rage Against The Machines' Killing In The Name Here

Have a holly jolly Christmas everybody and I really mean that.

Kimi Raikkonen's Motorbikes

While surfing the internet absent mindedly and looking at various different driver’s websites I stumbled across Kimi Raikkonen’s website. In the usual bumph which usually pads out a driver’s website I found a motorcycle section and to my amazement Kimi Raikkonen is not only a keen motorcyclist but also has two motorcycles custom built for him. Imaginatively titled Iceman I and Iceman II they are works of art in themselves and I am sure are fun to ride.

Kimi Raikkonen is leaving F1 to race in rallying. However it is rumoured that he is also planning to race in some motorcycle club races this year as well. After competing in snow mobile races last winter is there nothing he won't race?

For more information on Kimi Raikkonen and his motorcycles visit his website: http://www.kimiraikkonen.com

Own Genre?

While cheering myself up by listening to a bit of Radiohead I started to get a little bored of the particular album I was listening too (unthinkable I know). No problem I thought so I changed it to a mix of some of their rare singles… But it wasn’t somehow satisfying my Radiohead needs. So I thought I’ll buy some music like Radiohead off of iTunes or someplace similar … Now what genre are they I thought… and I thought. I Have no idea? OK what about I Google “bands like Radiohead” or go through amazon’s if you like this your love this lists… Nothing.

After a fruitless hour I came to the conclusion that love them or loathe them no one else makes music like Radiohead. They are a genre all of their own. So then I thought who else is like that? Thankfully or not there are quite a few artists/bands like that I like: Pink Floyd, The Beatles, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, David Bowie, Sex Pistols, Nirvana and then it dawned on me. The greatest musical artists are not necessarily unique in terms of how they do things or what they ultimately achieve but are always in their own little genre.

No one else really sounds like any of those aforementioned bands – you can argue otherwise but deep down you know they haven’t quite got whatever it is that makes them special and sound quite like they do. So the next time someone says “genre defining” they probably just mean they are their own genre and that is what makes them so great.

NEC Carole Nash Motorcycle Show

This Friday I had the pleasure to visit the Carole Nash Motorcycle Show with my good friend Barry. I ride an SV650 and Barry a late 90’s Triumph. Barry rebuilt his Triumph and I helped. Well I say helped, I stood around smoking and watching while pretending to understand what he was doing. In all fairness I did learn from the experience but apart from holding things I was pretty ineffectual.

Anyway after such an enjoyable year last year we felt it would be rude not to frequent the show again. So tickets were booked and plans made.

The show is located in several massive hangars at the NEC (National Exhibition Centre) Birmingham. With tickets and parking it came to about £30 each. This was because it's a preview day. Which is worth it's weight in gold because it means you get first dibs on all the bargains which if your planning to buy anything from the stalls you'll save more than that £30 easy. I myself was looking for boots and Barry like me is a sucker for any decent bargain.

While trawling the hundreds of stands we came across some lovely people from www.ultimateear.com. They provide an excellent service for ear protection which has been used by Charlie and Ewan themselves. In the only way myself and Barry will ever probably follow in their footsteps we too happily sat down to have our ears filled with gunk and moulded.

The whole procedure took slightly more then 10 minutes. The moulds have been sent away now and we should be receiving our custom motorcycle ear plugs in the post shortly. Where upon I shall write a review on them. All this came to only £60. Which includes the earpiece, consultation, moulding, the production of the earpiece and a two year guarantee. Compared to other business's which do this I thought it was a snip. Also you have the added bonus of getting the moulds so at a later date they (or anyone else) can produce other earpieces for you. All for various other pursuits such as shooting and blocking out the wife's snoring!

Going Friday also has the advantage of not going when it is insanely busy and you're able to actually get to sit on the bikes and play with them. If there are any remotely famous motorcyclists there you will stand a much better chance of seeing / speaking to them. Alan Davies was there last year milling about but seemed to be doing his best to avoid having anything to do with anyone. This year I saw Charlie Boorman and Gordon Ramsey. Gordon was eyeing up the new Norton's no doubt a prospective customer and one of the few people who will be able to get their hands on a new Norton when they become available. Charlie on the other hand was promoting his DVDs and a GPS company.

We walked down to the lower level hanger whereupon I was met with the beautiful sight of the return of such a famous marque as Norton. With the stand placed just under Triumph's they were easily the busiest at the show and everyone wanted to see what Norton had to offer after so many years in the wilderness.

I think it is safe to say, I like so many were suitably impressed. Norton has perfectly melded classic, beautiful cafe racer design, yet kept it a simple design which is also modern in terms of manufacture. Starting at around eleven thousand pounds these are not cheap toys but I don't think they will struggle to take the high end motorcycle market by storm.

Also at the show were Kawasaki and Yamaha showing their latest offerings. Both with excellent displays and the usual razzmatazz to be expected. A notable absentee was Honda who had (for financial reasons) decided it wasn't worth the hassle to appear. Suzuki took another tact and appeared to of spent no money whatsoever updating what they had from the previous year. They somehow appear to be a marque a little lost.

However it isn't just one huge motorcycle sale there are many other attractions. The classic wall of death is always fun to watch even if only in the vein hope something will happen. There was also mini-moto but the queue put us off it. Although no doubt good fun I wasn't bothered. Again all these great side shows are completely free to those on a Friday yet cost a few quid each if you attend at the weekend.

Over in the far hanger out of the way is also a moto x section with a massive indoor dirt track. All available to use by the public. Yamaha were sponsoring it and showing off their nippy electric bikes. Which appeared impressive. Next year we vowed to look into what actual things you could participate in more and thus book them up early. As myself and Barry would of loved a go on the electric dirt bikes but it was all fully booked.

All in all a grand day out. I just wish it was a little nearer so I didn't have to get up so early to get there. Having said that it's worth the two hour journey there and back made easier by the fact I wasn't driving... Cheers Barry!

Classic Quake on a Mac

It’s now 13 years since ID software released the ground breaking first person shooter Quake. With their Quake Live version online now starting to gain a following I thought it a great opportunity to get out my old copy of Quake, dust it down and fire it up for some nostalgic fragging.

First problem was in the 13 years since playing I’ve now migrated across to a Mac. I thought it impossible to run it on a Mac. So I got out my Mrs. Laptop which wheezes along like a fun runner while operating Vista. I thought the abysmal operating speed would be adequate for an old DOS game. I was wrong Vista doesn’t like old versions of Quake – bugger. I got some nice errors and Vista fell over… It all comes flooding back to me why I use a Mac.

Luckily for me it turns out that the nice people at Fruitz-of-Dojo have developed an application to run Quake and it’s sequels in OSX like it was a modern game. Shame I thought, I have the PC version not the old MAC one but low and behold it can run the Quake PC version or Mac version… Absolute ruddy genius!

So after taking the install version off of the Laptop and putting it onto my Mac I then showed the app where the id folder was and got it fired up. I placed the Quake CD in the drive and ripped the CD music part to mp3 which I was also able to play through the game using the app too. The moody dark industrial music of Trent Reznor (of Nine Inch Nails fame)was the icing on the cake recreating an identical gaming experience to all those years ago. It was safe to say I was as happy as Larry fragging away for hours.



If I had bought this for the £15 I originally paid for it way back when I would be just as happy. In fact I’ve been so happy playing this retro piece of genius that I’ve even ordered Quake II for £4 from a retro game stockist on eBay. I will be attempting to do the same thing again and get the old PC version of Quake II running on my Mac.

Quake’s instant playability, great level design yet simple gaming is a refreshing reminder of how things were in the gaming industry back then. It’s a far cry from the hundreds of button combo XBOX 360 gaming you get nowadays. Although the original Quake is simpler the gaming is every bit as good. The levels are brilliantly designed with just the right amount of difficulty and skill required. All mixed in with great problem solving. As for the graphics they aren’t ever going to win awards today when they’re 13 years old but I can run them at such high resolution and at such speed that they really do look good. And are comparable to an original XBOX graphics from only 5 years ago.

I can’t wait for Quake II to pop through my letter box and I can relive that old gem too. Enjoying Quake again so much has made me realise why I ended up spending most of my youth in a darkened room hunched over a computer.

BBC's The Real Italian Job: James Martin's Mille Miglia

It’s coming around to Christmas and my loved ones are looking for something to purchase for me (fussy bugger extraordinaire). Well during my trawling through Amazon to give them some ideas I came across The Real Italian Job: James Martin's Mille Miglia on DVD.Which was aired over last Christmas on the BBC. This bought memories flooding back of the self indulgent drivel I had endured in the name of being a petrol head.

Throughout this show James Martin (who is a sucessful chef and of minor TV fame) endeavours to but fails epically to complete the gentile Mille Miglia historic rally. In the show I felt sorry for the co driver woman who was a far superior driver than him and yet didn’t get to drive the car at all. It was cringe worthy, like some spoilt child who wouldn’t let any other children play with his toys.

I also felt sorry for his girlfriend who he appeared to have very little time or respect for when it came to her opinion or views. She got allowed to do some photography, how nice of him to allow her to photograph him. Incidentally she's a charming person. I know this as weirdly I spent the day with her during my motorcycle training for my test. She was training as well to pass her test. His new thing must be motorcycles I assume. As James Martin I believe now has a Ducati and Harley among others.




But what a vacuous piece of TV and now preserved forevermore on DVD. Nothing but a puff piece of a show that was more interested in telling us how much it was costing than what was going on. Do they not understand that the Mille Miglia is no longer a race ... it's a classic car rally. How good would it of been to of seen more of the other cars too? Seen Mika Hakkinen and the other ex F1 drivers.

James Martin failed to do any research either by the looks of it... as he found out at the end of the show. The Maserati model he spent sickening amounts of money on always blows valves. Which is exactly what it decided to do for him, exactly on cue.

The show descends into a rich boy playing with his new toy on an ego trip. He arrogantly listens to no one. He's told about keeping it below 3.5K revs... and he says no 4.5K surprise, surprise it conks out. There is a bang and he says he thinks it's the radiator... Radiators don't go bang and knock rhythmically... idiot. Even I know that and I’m not mechanically minded in any way shape or form.

He doesn't own cars like this beautiful Maserati and doesn't appear a fan of classic racers. He'd never done a historic rally or race before. It was simply a vehicle for him to show off his wealth and life. Oh and if racing legend and former Mille Miglia winner, Sterling Moss himself tells you to get an intercom for you and your co-driver... Get one! Basically he thought he knew best and didn't know diddly.

Crying by the side of the road next to his broken Maserati showed what he really is: a spoilt little boy with a broken toy. I am not jealous of his wealth or position just frustrated as a fan at what a wasted opportunity it was. Not only for someone else to of entered who was a fan but for a great TV show wasted on him. I just hope not too much of my TV Licence was wasted on this piff.

James Martin, stick to cooking. Not surprisingly this won’t be on my Christmas list. I’ll just have to remain a fussy bugger.

Codemasters Wii F1 Game Review

It is that time of the year when mothers, fathers and partners look for what to give each other for Christmas and as is the case with my family put out requests for Christmas lists.

My Mrs has got a Wii and I was looking forward to a decent racing game emerging on it so I could actually play something which just didn't involve a marketed cuddly toy of a character jumping around platforms. So when I heard Code Masters were developing an F1 game my heart skipped a beat. 'Excellente' I thought an opportunity to put something on my Christmas list. I'm sure my family would breath a sigh of relief at an opportunity to get something for the fussy bugger. But God am I disappointed it looks exceedingly lame. I mean just look at this pathetic excuse!

This is the latest trailer for the eagerly awaited Wii Formula 1 Grand Prix Game and it's awful. The graphics are worse than games I've seen such as Grand Prix 4 which is over seven years old now. The game play looks shoddy... Watch how the cars just bounce off each other. It looks like some budget PlayStation racing game from the mid 90s. I've seen public domain games on an Amiga which look more impressive.

If you also watch this video clip of a hot lap from Monza you can see how many inputs into the steering the person playing has to do. There is obviously very little in the way of physics gone into this game and appears to be nothing more than a cheap cash in. But not cheap for the purchaser... The RRP on this monstrosity is £40. Obviously rushed out at the end of the season in time for Christmas.

It won't be on my Christmas list and if some relative does make the unfortunate mistake of buying it for me it will be returned ASAP and the aforementioned relative excommunicated. That is exceedingly Scrooge, bar humbug like of me but you've seen the trailer... it's not an over reaction by any stretch of the imagination.

Until a decent racing game does emerge for the Wii I will have to console myself with killing Nazi's on Medal Of Honour.

Charlie Brooker's Gameswipe

I would hate for you to think I go on about Charlie Brooker but this is too good to miss. If you can remember what Chucky Egg, a ZX81, a C64, Leisure Suit Larry or an Amiga 600 were you're probably a gaming geek such as I am. Well you're in for a treat as Charlie Brooker give's a wonderful and insightful brief history of computer and video gaming. With more moments in it that make you go "hey I remember that" than you can shake an Atari joystick at. Not to mention it made me almost spasming in sheer smug knowing delight as classic games I used to play jumped up on screen for Charlie to slice to bits with his rapier wit.

You can watch it online. It's unfortunately had to be cut into several parts. Thanks no less to YouTube and their stupid 10 minute length policy. Enjoy:



Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5.

Google Wave

Google as always are trying to keep at the cutting edge of social media and technology. So it comes as no surprise that with the explosion of Twitter and other similar social networking applications Google wants to fight back. Their answer is Google Wave. Here is a great little video to explain what Google Wave is all about.

Currently Google Wave is invite only (don't ask me for an invite!) and very much in it's first preview stages. However after only playing with it for an hour or so it immediately became apparent that this should be something which really could be useful in many ways. Not only in business but also in personal life. It is however a little bit more complicated than I would of liked and not quite so simple and intuitive as other Google products. The casual user of facebook is going to struggle to make much use of this at first. However it is still very new and will not doubt become easier to use in time.

It looks a lot like Gmail but with waves instead of emails which you can have as many people collaborating on as you wish. Within each wave you can post videos, images, music, maps and all the other cool stuff you associate with Google as well as edit these items. You can chat and play games through it as well I believe. Imagine all of Googles services mashed up into a Wiki like editing package and then spat out through a Gmail type interface and your starting to get near.

So look out for it and you'll no doubt be adding it to your arsenal of tools (toys) for online communication in no time.

F1 Rejects - Abu Dhabi GP Edition

Yet another brilliant irreverent look at Formula 1. Two ozzy fans (as in the country not the Black Sabbath front man) create a brilliant podcast dripping with sarcasm and wit. If you have any interest in Formula 1 you simply have to listen to this:

Abu Dhabi GP Edition
16th November, 2009

F1 Talking Points / Discussion of Abu Dhabi GP / Race of Rejects: The HWNSNBM Cup / News from Other Categories / F1Rejects.com 10th Anniversary

MP3 format, 22.6mb, 65 mins

Look In! Magazine

In recent weeks a colleague at work has purchased a magazine for his daughter entitled Girl Talk. We flicked through the pages and laughed at the simple glossy magazine which evoked memories of the abysmal magazines we had as children when we were growing up.

I can vividly recall Look In! magazine which I religiously purchased every weekend with my pocket money. The contents of the magazine invariably contained something on Neighbours and or Jason Donovan. As well as thousands of adverts interspersed with competitions to win cheap American toys your parents wouldn’t buy you. Because they were about as worth while as getting repeatedly hit over the head with a stick of celery.

There would always be a poster in the centre pages which would be the latest hollywood hunk, sporting star, TV show hottie or one hit wonder. You’d religiously unpick the staples to get at the poster out without ripping it and then bend back the staples to keep the magazine intact. You’d stick the poster to your wall where it would turn yellow and get replaced after a few months by the next vacuous entity who was flavour of the month.

A free gift adorned the front cover which would always break within 30 seconds of getting it free of it’s cellotape binding. Usually taking most of the front cover off with it. Or if it was delivered then the paperboy would of already nicked the freebee. If it was some sort of chewy bar to pull out your fillings you could guarantee the paperboy had munched it on his round. Back then they always had more E numbers than a Fat Boy Slim concert too and you could sit happily reading your copy of Look In! While physically shaking from chemicals and sugar.

Not to mention the fact the there was quite possibly the worst comic strips in history shoved onto the back pages. Garfield often being the height of comic genius back then says a lot. Most were third rate knock offs of films such as Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure or Back To The Future. A memorable chap who always appeared and re-appeared in comic strips and many column inches was Gilbert the Alien. A repulsive green lump of rubber from early morning children’s TV. Quite possibly one of the most odd looking creatures ever created for children to watch – barring Terry Nutkins.

But no matter how crap it was you loved it and it was yours.

Microsoft's grinning robots or the Brotherhood of the Mac. Which is worse?

Charlie Brooker shot this out on the 28th of September on his Guardian collumn. I loved it and felt that since I'm now running a blog I should (and could) post it... Smugly with my Macbook. Here it is in all it's angry glory:

I admit it: I'm a bigot. A hopeless bigot at that: I know my particular prejudice is absurd, but I just can't control it. It's Apple. I don't like Apple products. And the better-designed and more ubiquitous they become, the more I dislike them. I blame the customers. Awful people. Awful. Stop showing me your iPhone. Stop stroking your Macbook. Stop telling me to get one.

Seriously, stop it. I don't care if Mac stuff is better. I don't care if Mac stuff is cool. I don't care if every Mac product comes equipped a magic button on the side that causes it to piddle gold coins and resurrect the dead and make holographic unicorns dance inside your head. I'm not buying one, so shut up and go home. Go back to your house. I know, you've got an iHouse. The walls are brushed aluminum. There's a glowing Apple logo on the roof. And you love it there. You absolute MONSTER.

Of course, it's safe to assume Mac products are indeed as brilliant as their owners make out. Why else would they spend so much time trying to convert non-believers? They're not getting paid. They simply want to spread their happiness, like religious crusaders.

Consequently, nothing pleases them more than watching a PC owner struggle with a slab of non-Mac machinery. It validates their spiritual choice. Recently I sat in a room trying to write something on a Sony Vaio PC laptop which seemed to be running a special slow-motion edition of Windows Vista specifically designed to infuriate human beings as much as possible. Trying to get it to do anything was like issuing instructions to a depressed employee over a sluggish satellite feed. When I clicked on an application it spent a small eternity contemplating the philosophical implications of opening it, begrudgingly complying with my request several months later. It drove me up the wall. I called it a bastard and worse. At one point I punched a table.

This drew the attention of two nearby Mac owners. They hovered over and stood beside me, like placid monks.

"Ah: the delights of Vista," said one.

"It really is time you got a Mac," said the other.

"They're just better," sang monk number one.

"You won't regret it," whispered the second.

I scowled and returned to my infernal machine, like a dishevelled park-bench boozer shrugging away two pious AA recruiters by pulling a grubby, dented hip flask from his pocket and pointedly taking an extra deep swig. Leave me alone, I thought. I don't care if you're right. I just want you to die.

I know Windows is awful. Everyone knows Windows is awful. Windows is like the faint smell of piss in a subway: it's there, and there's nothing you can do about it. OK, OK: I know other operating systems are available. But their advocates seem even creepier, snootier and more insistent than Mac owners. The harder they try to convince me, the more I'm repelled. To them, I'm a sheep. And they're right. I'm a helpless, stupid, lazy sheep. I'm also a masochist. And that's why I continue to use Windows – horrible Windows – even though I hate every second of it. It's grim, it's slow, everything's badly designed and nothing really works properly: using Windows is like living in a communist bloc nation circa 1981. And I wouldn't change it for the world, because I'm an abject bloody idiot and I hate myself, and this is what I deserve: to be sentenced to Windows for life.

That's why Windows works for me. But I'd never recommend it to anybody else, ever. This puts me in line with roughly everybody else in the world. No one has ever earnestly turned to a fellow human being and said, "Hey, have you considered Windows?" Not in the real world at any rate.

Until now. Microsoft, hellbent on tackling the conspicuous lack of word-of-mouth recommendation, is encouraging people – real people – to host "Windows 7 launch parties" to celebrate the 22 October release of, er, Windows 7. The idea is that you invite a group of friends – your real friends – to your home – your real home – and entertain them with a series of Windows 7 tutorials. So you show them how to burn a CD, how to make a little video, how to change the wallpaper, and how to, oh no, hang on it's not supposed to do that, oh, I think it's frozen, um, er, let me just, um, no that's not it, um, er, um, er, so how's it going with you and Kathy anyway, um, er, OK well see you around I guess.

To assist the party-hosting massive, they've also uploaded a series of spectacularly cringeworthy videos to YouTube, in which the four most desperate actors in the world stand around in a kitchen sharing tips on how best to indoctrinate guests in the wonder of Windows. If they were staring straight down the lens reading hints off a card it might be acceptable; instead they have been instructed to pretend to be friends. The result is the most nauseating display of artificial camaraderie since the horrific Doritos "Friendchips" TV campaign (which caused 50,000 people to kill themselves in 2003, or should have done).

It's so terrible, it induces an entirely new emotion: a blend of vertigo, disgust, anger and embarrassment which I like to call "shitasmia". It not only creates this emotion: it defines it. It's the most shitasmic cultural artefact in history. Watch it for yourself.

Still, bad though it is, I vaguely prefer the clumping, clueless, uncool, crappiness of Microsoft's bland Stepford gang to the creepy assurance of the average Mac evangelist. At least the grinning dildos in the Windows video are fictional, whereas eerie replicant Mac monks really are everywhere, standing over your shoulder in their charcoal pullovers, smirking with amusement at your hopelessly inferior OS, knowing they're better than you because they use Mac OS X v10.6 Snow Leopard.

Snow Leopard. SNOW LEOPARD.

I don't care if you're right. I just want you to die.

- - -

And so the column ends... If you'd like to read it on the Guardian site with pictures and adverts then visit it here. I can't speak highly enough of Charlie Brooker. As a late convert since Nathan Barley I'd advise you subscribe to his rss column feed.

Personally the way he sums up how he feels is exactly the way I was until October 2007 when I saw a shiny Macbook for sale in Glasgow Airport's duty free section for £700 and couldn't say no. Ever since I've loved it - a little too much. But I try to refrain from being too smug about it and fail.